To my American friends and watchers- Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving and the food coma isn't too severe.

And it's meme time. Tagged by , so it's not theft. For once. <_<

001. Real name → Kelsey.
002. Nickname(s)→ Kels, O'Stalin, O'Ninja, Roach.
003. Zodiac sign → Virgo, Western. Snake, Chinese.
004. Male or female → Female. Unfortunately. >_>
005. Elementary → ... There were three. I can't name them all anymore.
006. Middle School → There were two. I can't be bothered to name them.
007. High School → ... There were SIX, counting homeschooling. You expect me to remember all that, when I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of that? Fuck you. <_<
008. Hair color → Sort of a dark reddish-chocolate brown.
009. Long or short → Somewhere in between.
010. Loud or Quiet→ Eh. This is also somewhere in between.
011. Sweats or Jeans→ Jeans. Always.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera. My phone is basically an alarm clock.
013. Health freak → Hahahaha, no.
014. Drink or Smoke? → I do drink when my prude assholes of parents let me. I'm 20. In any other country on the planet I could be drinking now. Fuck America. >_> Smoking... No, my lungs loathe me enough.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → A couple here and there... They all kinda come and go except one. Which I wish would go since it won't work out. <_<
016. Eat or Drink → ... Both? <_<
017. Piercings → I want more, I just don't want to do anything slow to heal or permanent to my body. (I have four.)
018. Tattoos → If they can make it hurt less and the hepatitis risk go away, yeah, I'll be getting one.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane→ Yeah. Never again, plz. <_<
020. Been in a relationship → Yeah.
021. Been in a car accident → We had a total car annihilation, a spinal injury to me and a crapload of cash when I turned 18 on our hands. Yeah. >_>
022. Been in a fist fight → Oh yes.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Age 15, I got my first ear piercings. Was in the mall with my mom and it was a kind of spur of the moment decision. Mom goes, "Hey, wanna get your ears pierced?" I thought about it for a second and went, "Okay.' Irony is, I was scared shitless of needles before then. Now they don't even bother me and I went back and got a second set of lobe piercings last year right after my birthday.
024. First best friend → Tema.
025. First award → Kindergarten for academics. A mother of one of the few friends I had then told my parents she thought I was a genius as a kid. I lawled. <_<
026. First crush → Would rather not discuss this, ta. >_>
028. First big vacation → Florida. I was two or something.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Dad.
030. Last person you IMed → Actually initiated the convo with? Ad. Last person who initated a convo with me? .
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Uh.... <_<
032. Last food you ate → Cheese.
033. Last movie you watched → Yes-man. Last January. >_>
034. Last song you listened to → Ten Thousand Fists ~ Disturbed
035. Last thing you bought → Life by Dope and two iTunes cards, as well as one other CD which still hasn't shipped, even though it was supposed within a day of everything else.
036. Last person you hugged → Ajay.
FAVES:
037. Food → Fettuccine alfredo. Which I had today.
038. Drinks → Dr. Pepper, Sprite, creme soda, red creme soda, margarita mix without the liquor (it makes me act like a squirrel on crack. Funny as hell, man) .
039. Clothing → T-shirts, jeans, armwarmers or wristbands. 'S basically all I wear. Ever. If I'm forced to go to church for Christmas I'll be wearing the most anti-formal shirt I have and making some modifications to a pair of jeans that had the hem shredded out by my bike.
040. Books → Almost everything I've read of late.
041. Musics → Disturbed, Slipknot, Stone Sour (FUCK YOU HOT SHITPIC FOR NOT MAKING THAT DAMN SHIRT IN MY SIZE), Papa Roach, System of a Down, Mudvayne, Hellyeah, Dope, Serj Tankian's solo stuff, Scars on Broadway, Nine Inch Nails, Godsmack, Sixx AM, Megadeth, Metallica (I prefer Megadeth, though, mainly because I have to resist the urge to break things if St. Anger comes on... Lars' drums should hate him, goddamnit), Judas Priest (STILL can't find Painkiller. Incidentally, I'm going to need a bottle of those when I finally find it due to the headache it's causing), Dragonforce, and Motley Crue. I'm also pretty fond of Avenged Sevenfold, Trapt and a few others.
042. Flower → Lilies, actually, and I like orchids, too. Roses are too damn cliche. Like, Kishimoto cliche. And they don't smell at all.
043. Colors → Black, dark blue, red, dark purple, jade green, gold, silver.
044. Movies → Most Jim Carrey movies that I've seen, Miracle.
045. Positions → My middle finger, raised directly in your face. >_>
046. Subjects → History, science (I suck at it due to the massive amounts of math but goddamnit I enjoy it), art.

IN 2009 I....

047. [] kissed in the snow (I didn't kiss anyone this year. Pathetic? Maybe to you. But there's too many losers here to make kissing anybody worthwhile. )
048. [x] celebrated Halloween (Yes. I sat there and laughed at kids being scarred.)
049. [x] had your heart broken
050. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone (regular phone actually)
051. [] someone questioned your sexual orientation (Not to my face, although someone said they had a feeling when I mentioned it.)
052. [.5] came out of the closet (Partially. My dad and brother know. My friends know. My mother and everyone else in my family does not.)
053. [] gotten pregnant (That would make me the Virgin fucking Mary, because I've never even had sex. <_< )
054. [] had an abortion
055. [] done something you've regretted
056. [x] broke a promise (Who hasn't? If you're alive right now, I don't doubt you've broken a promise at least once.)
057. [x] hid a secret
058. [x] pretended to be happy (Of course. Hell, I've done it for almost the entire year. It's the easiest way to get people to get off my back and stop asking if I'm OK. I'm not. I never am. I don't like being bothered.)
059. [x] met someone who changed your life
060. [x] pretended to be sick
061. [] left the country (Canada is <3. I wish I coulda gone back. )
062. [] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
063. [] cried over the silliest thing
064. [] ran a mile
065. [] went to the beach with your best friend(s) (Beach = sun, heat, humidity. I also look horrible in a swimsuit. No, I won't even go with my parents if I can help it.)
066. [] stayed single a whole year (17 straight, although not this year. I wish I could go back to that asexual time. Made my life much less of a pain in the spine.)

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Cool Whip. Shut up, I like whipped cream.
068. Drinking → Sprite.
069. I'm about to do → Nothing. Same as usual
070. Listening to → My fan.
071. Plans for today → Uh... Shower, eat, talk to Ad, maybe go over to Tema's later. Same as any Friday, really, except my dad'll be home since it's the day after Thanksgiving.
072. Waiting for → Me to get tired. So I can sleep.
YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You know what my ideal Christmas present would be? A tube tying. I don't want kids. Not now and not ever.
074. Want to get married? → Eh.
075. Careers in mind → Artist, musician, photographer. Something creative.
076. Lips or eyes → Lips. Eyes don't hurt but they're honestly the last thing I notice on a person.
078. Romantic or spontaneous → Neither. Romanticness bores the living crap outta me and spontaneity kinda annoys me.
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → On a dude, arms. I don't care what the stomach looks like. (See Tobin Esperance of Papa Roach for what I mean here. Not the skinniest guy on the planet, no, but he's as close to my physical ideal of a dude as I've ever seen.) On a chick... Neither. Tits plz. <_<
080. Sensitive or loud → As long as the person has a good sense of humor, I'm not overly picky. Somewhere in between is ideal, though.
081. Hook-up or relationship → Solar plexus. Aim for it. <_<
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Troublemaker. I thrive on chaos, thanks.

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → I had no idea it's possible to lose what doesn't exist.
084. Ran away from home → Too lazy.
086. Killed somebody → Oh, I wish. I know who'd be first... >_>
087. Broken someone's heart → Dunno. Prolly not. EVERYONE'S BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME. Etc. >_>
088. Been arrested → Shockingly, no. >_>
089. Cried when someone died → Yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → Go slam your nuts in a door and stay there till it's time for your cleansing. (Read: No. Absolutely not.)
091. Miracles → No. Bar the fact that I'm not dead yet.
092. Love at first sight → Lust at first sight.
093. Heaven → ADAM AND I TOOK IT OVER.
094. Santa Claus → AND I KILLED HIM IN THE PROCESS.
095. Sex on the first date → Do I LOOK like a fat whore? Insane, fat asshole; yes. Whore; no.
096. Kiss on the first date → Depends, honestly. If the person is irritating me, I'll text my brother and have him call and say my grandmother's in the hospital and I need to leave /NAO./ Because he's a good kid and will do me favors if I'm in desperation mode. >_>

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → No. Nobody wants to be with me either. Overall I'm fine with this.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Go stick your face in a meat grinder, please and thank you. >_> It's because my life's so bad right now that I haven't ruled out relationships entirely.
099. Do you believe in God → AND WE KILLED /HIM,/ TOO. (Read: No. Gimme proof that doesn't come from the bible, though, and I may believe you. At the least I won't laugh at you when your back is turned.)
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people → I TAG NOBODY. I'M TOO AWESOME AND LAZY TO TAG.

... That's my story and I'm sticking to it. >_>

-----

Christmas list. FYI, I am in fact a rude greedy asshole. However, I expect nothing whatsoever (and if anybody actually does you will become my new best friend out of sheer shock.)And I will more than likely people shit if they understand I have extremely limited funds right now so it won't be the biggest things on their lists (prolly some of the smaller stuff).

If you don't like greedy, don't read on.


STEP ONE

** Make a post in your journal. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fun ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

** If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. In this case, you can always just note someone on dA.

** Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your journal, so that others can join in and participate to spread the holiday joy!


STEP TWO

** Surf around your friend list to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

** If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

** You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

NOW LET'S SEE IT!


1. In dream land I'd love to get my hands on some Papa Roach tickets. Too bad they never fucking come to Columbus... <_<

2. Speaking of Columbus, I could use a new hockey sweater... Again in dream land, I'd like a Columbus Blue Jackets home-colored Derek Dorsett #15 sweater.

3. And while we're on the subject of Papa Roach and music, I'd like, A, a Papa Roach wristband, B, a Papa Roach bandanna and C, Painkiller. It should not be that fucking hard to find a 19 year old Judas Priest album, but it is.

4. Tales of Eternia's PSP remake. Only released in England. >_> Another -1000000000000 for America.

5. Lame but true: I'd like a significant other. <_< Someone who can either A, get me the hell out of this shithole of a family dwelling or B, offer me some comfort and remind me that there's a way out somehow (although I feel compelled to note, Adam does a damn good job with death threats directed toward this subject and he makes me laugh while doing so so +10,000,000 gratitude points to him).

6. Back to dream world, but I'd like a horse. I don't care what breed, but it needs to be a big one, 16 hh or more.

7. Eyeliners and nail polish. This shit'll save me money that I can put toward other stuff. I prefer pencil eyeliner in darker colors (black looks best so far, and glittery makes me smile), and with nail polish, the darker and more sparkly the better.

8. 2 or 3 volumes of Bleach manga. I'm at 16 and haven't bought manga in well over a year since my monies have been going to fuel a wardrobe overhaul and my gaming habit.

9. I saw this stuffed dog in a holiday catalog that looks just like Ajay without the white... I have all sorts of stuff that looks like Brandy but nothing that looks like Ajay or Shelley. It makes me sad.

10. And last but certainly not least, I want a bass. I want a goddamn Ibanez bass. It can't sound like shit (if that's humanly possible with an Ibanez) and it can't be white.

Send me a note or an email (or an IM if you have my wlm address) if you're going to be elevated to god status in my mind and get me something.

My email happens to be gamemisconduct29@yahoo.com. wlm address stays private to the general public (if that makes any sense) but if you'd like that, drop me a line in either note or email format and I'll give it to you.

So, first things first. Saturday, in theory, we will be leaving for DisneyWorld. I've decided, after my last shitty trip to Florida, that I'm not going and god help whoever tries to make me.

My reasons for this are pretty numerous but the main ones are A, it's Florida and that means that even in November it's gonna be a hell of a lot hotter than I'd like (at this point in the year, 40 degree F temperatures or lower are what I really badly would like), and B, it's freaking DisneyWorld. Kids /everywhere./ I don't like kids, I never want to have kids and I sure as hell don't want to be anywhere near kids if they're not related to me, especially if they're under like 10 and have horrid manners. Which, if you haven't been subjected to them recently, most kids under the age of 10 do. Especially at Disney.

Oh, and the last time I went I got a miserable case of the flu and spent my Christmas vomiting on myself. There was no amount of presents that could make up for that, and it's not like my immune system is improved since then.

More like the exact opposite. >_>

However, the catch is that my parents are retarded assholes who need a shooting, and they think I need a babysitter, and keep giving me these bullshit excuses to make me think they want me to go with them (and I know for a fact that they don't). I'M TWENTY. I can feed myself, clothe myself, bathe myself and clean my clothes. About the only thing I can't fucking do is drive, and that's more out of laziness than anything else. This problem could be solved very very easily as long as the parents stocked the house with food and caffeine.

So, I decided faking illness was the best way, and I was going to make something up that sounds bad but is really just bullshit. Last I'd decided before I went out this afternoon, it was prolly going to be "Tekkenitis Trodeism." As in, Tekken the series from Namco and Trode the king from Dragon Quest VIII. And that would be pronounced, in this case, "Tek-ken-eye-tis troe-day-ism." It sounded better than "trodeism' with the original pronounciation. >_>

But. I was out doing some shit today with my dad and brother and we stopped for lunch at the Waffle House. Aaron was being a pest so I jokingly went to kick him, with sandals on, and missed horrifically and slammed my fucking foot into the solid metal post holding the table up, and I did this a fuckload harder than I meant to kick my brother. Top of my foot, right over the arch, was just slammed into it. I didn't yell or curse, I just doubled over, gasped "Ow" and cracked the hell up. I got through lunch OK, got back into the car but halfway home the caffeine wore off and my ankle, oddly, not the bones where I hit it, started pounding. It's the bones on the sides of my right ankle, both the inside and outside bone.

I can barely walk. I am thrilled beyond words, because I just mentioned to a friend late last night that I'm actually almost hoping I get pneumonia again and I never thought that those words would ever leave my lips because, like I'm sure anyone with a brain can guess, that was a horrible experience. Couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop coughing, could barely go outside and walk anywhere because I was so tired, had to sleep with ten layers of clothing on every part of my body for the first two or three days because I was so cold, and even now my lungs just kind of stop in cold weather.

So yeah, shitty, shitty winter. >_> And I would have taken that over DisneyWorld, but my ankle is fucked so hopefully this'll help. All I have to do is fake a severe limp (not that hard, because it hurts like hell and I just fell into the wall when I stood up to go get a drink a while ago), and stay off of it and in the bathtub as much as possible to get the swelling down, and I'll have a free week and a half if all goes well. 8DDDDDDDDDD


Wish me luck, ladies and gents, because this is gonna take all of my acting abilities to pull off well.

---------

Have memes while I let my ankle stew a bit more.

1. Do you snore?
Not unless I have a horrible sinus infection and cannot breathe.

2. Are you a lover or a fighter?
Fighter. I'm too cracked to be much of anything else.

3. What’s your worst fear?
Heights and centipedes.

4. As a kid, where you a lego maniac?
I still have four or five tubs of the things hanging around here somewhere. Whaddyou think? >_>

5. What do you think of “reality” tv?
I hope it rots in the realm of 'Things that were never meant to exist" along with Richard Simmons and Orochi. >_>

6. Do you chew on your straws?
And pens and basically everything else. I have some sort of oral fixation shit going on.

7. Were you a cute baby?
No, although my parents protest this. >_> I looked like my dad as a baby. I'm adopted. >_>

8. Is the single life for you?
Hahahahaha, this question is irrelevant. Whether or not it's for me, it's what I'll end up as in the long run.

9. What colour is your keyboard?
On my laptop, it's silver. On the dinoturd, it's a greyish white with blue accents.

10. Do your sing in the shower?
No. I suck, and I accept this.

11. Have you ever sky-dived before?
Why would I be dumb enough to do something that would most likely result in me passing out halfway out of the plane? <_<

12. Any secret talents?
It turns out I can do a pretty decent Gollum imitation, and if you get me angry enough I can scream like Corey Taylor from Slipknot. >_>

13. What’s your ideal vacation spot?
Somewhere with no people. Or failing that, somewhere where shooting trespassers is entirely legal. >_>

14. Can you swim?
No. I've been going to Florida since I was 2 and I have no idea how to swim, which is why I'm typing this from beyond the grave... Gawd, of course I can fucking swim. >_>

16. Have you seen the movie "Donnie Darko”?
No. Looks like crap, to be honest.

17. Do you care about the ozone?
Hahahahahaha. That's down there next to my mom at the bottom of the 'things I care about' list. >_>

18. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
2,983,122,353. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. >_>

19. Can you sing the alphabet backwards?
I've never tried. I'm not /that/ desperately bored to do so.

20. Have you ever been on an airplane?
Yeah. Last time I did it ended in horrific amounts of vomiting. Which, incidentally, seems to be a pretty common theme with me. <_<

21. Are you a single child?
I was for years but no, not anymore.

22. Do you prefer electronic or manual pencil sharpeners?
Electric. Saves me some effort = hell yeah I prefer that. >_>

23. What’s your stand on hunting?
Again, this is down fairly near my mom and the environment on the 'things I care about' list.

24. Is marriage in your future?
I know this... How? <_< At a guess, though... Based on my current record with relationships, nah, prolly not.

25. Do you like your handwriting?
It looks like a four year old's and has barely changed since I was in elementary school. So, absolutely fucking not.

26. What are you allergic to?
I have some slight nickel allergies, am fairly severely allergic to penicillin and have mild to moderate allergic reactions to a large number of antibiotics. I'm also lethally allergic to idiocy and severe dumbassery. >_>

27. When was the last time you said 'I love you?'
I... Have no idea.

28. Is Tupac still alive?
I fucking hope not. >_> One less rapper alive = one less rapper played on radio = one step closer to a happier Kelsey.

29. Do you cry at weddings?
No. I laugh. Because someone usually pulls dumb shit at my family's weddings. The notable one was when the bride (a cousin of mine) and groom had people tapping on their glasses to kiss, a younger cousin grabbed his knife and his fork and slammed them into the glass. The glass exploded. We still laugh about it.

30. How do you like your eggs?
Far, far away from me. >_>

31. Are blondes dumb?
Based on my experience... Abso-fucking-lutely, and I thank shit that I'm naturally a brunette.

32. Where does the other sock end up?
In the mouth of one of the dogs.

33. What time is it?
7:19 PM.

34. Do you have a nickname?
Kels, O'Stalin, Roach.

35. Is McDonald's disgusting?
Oh good shitting god, I won't go near that crap. If we /have/ to stop there I'll have a shake and a Diet Coke or something and nothing else. The shakes aren't bad. The food makes me pretty violently ill.

36. When was the last time you were in a car?
A few hours ago.

37. Do you prefer baths or showers?
I don't mind either. I actually like water... I prefer baths if I need to de-stress or just relax, though, and showers if I have to go somewhere.

38. Is Santa Claus real?
No. However, Satan Claws is another story...

39. Do you like having you neck kissed?
I... Wow. Good god. You know, I'm at a mild loss for words here so have the truth, aka some mild emotional scars: Yeah, I do. >_>

40. Are you afraid of the dark?
No, but I wish there was a way for me to see where the hell I'm going in my room so I don't need a nightlight and can prevent breaking my neck on my own terms. >_>

41. What are you addicted to?
Caffeine, obviously. To a lesser extent, hockey, gaming and wlm. The last one is so horrible I can't stop using it. >_>

42. Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
Creamy. Crunchy's kinda disgusting to me.

43. Can you crack your neck?
Not consciously, but I do it on accident, at which point it sounds like a fucking firecracker going off.

44. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yeah. After a car accident, I got carried off in a stretcher and put on the ambulance. It was... Interesting.

45. How many times have you brushed your teeth today?
Once.

46. Is drug free the way to be?
Define 'drug,' and is caffeine included in this? <_< If no, eh. If yes, absolutely not, you will take my caffeine out of my cold, dead hands, bastards. DDDD: <<<<<<<

47. Are you a heavy sleeper?
.... I hope somebody violates you anally with a metal oar. Which is rusty and has slivers of metal coming off of it. >_>

48. What colour are your eyes?
Grey-green. The color-changing shit seems to have died down a pretty good deal.

50. Do you like your life?
See comment for question 47. >_>

51. Who’s better: Stone Cold or The Rock?
I hate wrestling. They can both shove it.

52. Are you psychic?
Who's idiotic enough to believe that they really are? No, I am not.

53. Have you read "Catcher in the Rye"?
I got out of that by switching schools in my junior year. >_> Thank god, because school reading material bites.

54. Do you play any instruments?
I did and I hope to be able to change that to the present tense soon.

55. Have you ever stolen money?
Nah. Too lazy and I usually have what I need anyways.

56. Can you snowboard?
HAHAHAHAHA. Can I break my fucking neck, you mean.

57. Do you like camping?
No. Good fucking Leopold, no. Even in a motorhome it's horrible. I'm a/c and heater-less, stuck in the woods with mosquitoes and fuck knows what else, and this is usually in the summer so I'm fucking dying of heat, humidity and lack of wind.

58. Do you snort when you laugh?
Sometimes. All it does is make me laugh harder.

59. Do you believe in magic?
HAHAHAHAHA. Oh, how I wish. <_<

60. Are dogs a man’s best friend?
Yes. Yes, they are.

61. You believe in divorce?
I'm not sure it's always a good idea but yeah, I see nothing morally objectionable to it.

62. Can you do the moonwalk?
Who the hell d'you think I am, Colin Mochire?

63. Do you make a lot of mistakes?
My entire life is one gigantic mistake. So, yeah. >_>

64. Is it cold outside today?
No, irritatingly, it's still in the mid to upper 60s. F, obviously.

65. What was the last thing you ate?
Waffles. Hungry again, though.

66. Do you wear nail polish?
Yeah, it keeps me from gnawing my nails off.

67. Have you ever been kissed?
Yeah.

68. What's the most annoying TV commercial?
Anything with Billy Mays. I hated him before he died and I was actually happy he bit it because I thought they'd take the shitting commercials off the air. I thought wrong. >_> I do owe the Awesome Auger a thank you, though. That one annoyed and disturbed me out of a horrible dream involving planet-conquering giant centipedes and me being forced to breed with them. >_>

69. Do you shop at American Eagle?
Why? <_< Their clothes are way too small and they're hideous to begin with.

70. Favourite song at the moment?
Burn - Dope, Scream With Me - Mudvayne, Thrown Away - Papa Roach

71. Do you like your job?
What job? <_<

72. Do you like your classes in school?
What classes? >_>

73. How do you like your meat cooked?
What MEAT? <_< I don't eat meat and these questions are annoying me...

74. Do you like these surveys.
It kills some time so yeah.

75. Do you know how to tag three peoples?
Yeah. But good fucking luck getting me to do it, I'm hungry as hell.

BONUS!
76. Why did the Chicken Cross the road?
Because I was standing behind it with a knife, trying to decapitate it and use it in headless chicken races. I succeeded in the end. Another chicken dead, the rest of the population to go. <_<